Dearest Darling Potential Suitor,
Spending the majority of the evening whispering sweet nothings in my ear during a party is fabulous. Turning into a pumpkin at midnight by announcing loudly "I have to get going. It's my girlfriend's birthday tomorrow. I have to be a gentleman" is not.

I went to a casual high school reunion this weeked in Las Vegas. These things are always fraught with anxiety for me. (I'm sure they are for everyone, but this is my blog) If you ask ME what I was like in my awkward geeky teen years, I will tell you that I was awkward and geeky. Glasses, braces, too tall, boobs too big, never felt like I fit in---you know the deal.

(The crowd at this gathering was not my crowd in school, but I really enjoy people and there were a few people who I was really interested in seeing, so I packed up the Volvo and headed off to Vegas.)

Turns out I had a fabulous time! I drove over to the house with my 9th grade crush (hadn't seen him since 1986, but we've chatted on the phone in recent years), hugged & kissed a bunch of men & women  I hadn't seen in forever and then I saw that really cute football player I had a math class with for like 2 years. OMG! Still just as cute, even if a little grey and just a little slicker and laying it on kinda thick, but whatever. So, we chatted, we danced, we flirted, wanted to know what hotel I was staying in, etc etc.

And ...well... I think the first paragraph tells the end of the story. SMH....

Throwing down the penalty flag for personal foul,
Kitten With A Wisk

"Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both."
 - Dorothy Parker

"Dearest Darling Potential Suitor, When we are on a first date and you ask me what I do for a living, please try to refrain from telling me the terribly sad story of a loved on dying of cancer, stroke, car accident, etc and how they were on a ventilator. I get enough horror at work. Can ya save it for a few weeks?"


Holy crap! I have a tough job, in an ICU in a huge hospital. I mainly work with patients on life support--which also means I take people OFF life support. Our first date is NOT the appropriate time to tell me about how awfully your father died. Getting work out of my head is hard enough sometimes...

Dreaming of puppy dogs and lollipops,
Kitten With a Wisk

"Dearest Darling Potential Suitor, Please remember that I am a 43 year old woman and not an 18 year old beer banging college freshman. Requests for texts of my various body parts will get you dismissed without prejudice."

Oh sweet jeezus. Do I even have to explain why this is an issue?!?!?! And this was not his first request. I can't tell if he thinks he persistence will wear me down and I'll send pictures of my hoo-ha or if he is just stupid.

Honestly girls...if you think being single is swell and you're thinking about dumping your man because he annoys you---take my blog as a cautionary tale....

No pictures please,
Kitten With a Wisk

"Dearest Darling Potential Suitor, While I understand "don't ask, don't tell"was a long-standing policy for our nation's military, it is not so good when you decide not to tell me about the woman you live with."


So cute, so funny, so much in common, sooooooooooo still in a relationship. WHAT?!?! Oh, and honey? "I still live with my girlfriend and if I had any balls I'd move out today" is NOT a "twist." It's a giagantic dealbreaker and an even bigger lie. You thought I wouldn't care? You are clearly drinking the Penthouse Forum Kool-Aid.

I honestly believe that if you are in a relationship, it should be one of the first 5 sentences to come out of your mouth when you meet someone. You should REALLY make sure you a clear of your last relationship before trying to start a new one.

Seriously considering a nunnery,
Kitten With A Wisk

 

"Dearest Darling Potential Suitor, please remember that an initial meeting does not include "kicking it" at my "spot" or any other "alone time" activities."

And here is a portion of the text that prompted this entry:

Him: Cool you gonna come get me? you got your own spot to kick it?
Me: I live in long beach...we can hang out grab a drink if you want, but I've been up since 4:30am (I was not going to be free until 11pm, I figured that would prompt him to pick another night---WRONG)
Him: Danm you gonna be tired can I can spend the night at your spot if is cool?
Me: No, I meant we can meet for a drink after I'm done. Then I go home.  Him: Ok sound good sorry didn't.mean it in a bad way

Now why does a grown man need me to come pick him up? Why does a grown man and person I barely know think it's acceptable to spend the night at my house? And WHY DO I HAVE TO PICK HIM UP?! And how did he mean this, if not in a "bad way"? If you're essentially a total stranger asking me to pick you up so you can "kick it" at my "spot" AND spend the night, how am I supposed to take this?

Losing my faith,
Kitten With A Wisk